


All That We Could Be

by wanderlustlights



Category: Glee
Genre: Angst, Complete, Internal Monologue, M/M, Unrequited Love, Unresolved Feelings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-23
Updated: 2019-05-23
Packaged: 2020-03-13 04:01:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 846
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18932983
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wanderlustlights/pseuds/wanderlustlights
Summary: Dave thinks of all the things he could be be, if only he’d let himself.





	All That We Could Be

**Author's Note:**

> So I really don’t know where this came from. I rewatched the 2.20 “Prom Queen” episode last month for the millionth time and got this idea in my head like last week of what Dave’s inner thoughts would be during that last scene of the episode. Did I cry a little while writing this in my bed last night at 1 am? Sure did. Sorry if this breaks your heart a little. Wasn’t totally my intention. (Okay, maybe a little. Or maybe I just love me some good season 2 era angst. Who knows, really.)

This school fucking sucks.

Or rather, the kids who go there who thought it would be a cool joke to elect Kurt Hummel as prom queen. They suck.

Dave isn’t surprised when Kurt runs out of the gym, looking utterly humiliated, because hell, he can’t blame him. He would’ve run out, too, if it had been him.

He is surprised, however, when he comes back onto the stage to accept his crown, goes up to the microphone, and with a coy smile says, “Eat your heart out, Kate Middleton.” The crowd erupts into a tentative round of applause and Dave looks around the room in a mix of shock and confusion.

Figgins announces him and Kurt as king and queen and Kurt leans over to him slightly as they descend the stairs, murmuring to him. “Now’s your moment,” he says softly and Dave glances over at him sharply.

“What?”

“Come out,” says Kurt and Dave doesn’t have even a moment to think before he’s continuing. “Make a difference.”

They’re on the dance floor when the music starts to play and honestly who chose this fucking song because this song sucks, and Dave glances ahead at Kurt facing him, looking so goddamn proud as he takes a deep shuddering breath and Dave starts to panic.

He can see Kurt, this guy who is so freaking unashamed to be himself, who doesn’t seem to give a shit what anyone at this stupid school thinks about him, who gets taunted behind his back, who wears funky clothes that Dave doesn’t really understand half the time, but he’s… himself. Out and proud of who he is, comfortable in his own skin and in telling the world “This is who I am and if you don’t like it well then screw you,” something that Dave could never do.

Dave can admit to himself that he has certain, unresolved feelings for Kurt, that he’s looked at that Sam kid’s ass a couple times, that maybe at night he’s had some thoughts.

And even still, he can’t seem to force that word out of his mouth, can’t seem to admit that the way other guys, most guys, feel about girls is what he feels for guys. He can’t say it, can’t do anything about it, because then if he does he’ll only ever be known as one thing. _Dave Karofsky: Homo._   And that’s a fucking terrifying thought.

He can see himself being out and proud as fuck about who he is. Asking Kurt out and being his boyfriend and walking down the hallways with him in between classes. Kissing him and Kurt actually kissing him back and neither of them being afraid of what anyone might say. Telling Kurt he loves him because _damn_ , he loves him, he loves him _so fucking much_.

But that’s never going to happen. None of that is ever, ever going to happen.

He’s made a mess out of everything, hurt Kurt too bad to be forgiven, been an overall shitty person to him, someone he could never love, let alone trust.

And that’s all on him.

It’s on him because he couldn’t tell the world to fuck off and let him be who he is, who Kurt’s helped him accept himself for. He couldn’t - can’t - fully accept himself for who he is without worrying about what people will think or say about him.

He looks at Kurt, standing there and waiting for him to do something, do anything, with that stupid queen crown on his head and is reminded yet again of how fucking awful people at this school can be. Like him. Like the way he used to treat Kurt like shit.

He could do it, could come out, could make a difference and subvert expectations and show people that Kurt wasn’t the only kind of gay guy out there, that a jock like him could be gay, too.

But he’s not brave enough. He doesn’t have a courageous bone in his whole fucking body.

Kurt stares at him, holding his gaze, and Dave crumbles in on himself.

“I can’t,” he whispers.

The words are out of his mouth before he even knows he’s saying them.

Dave flees the gym, but not before seeing the wide eyed look of hurt and disappointment on Kurt’s face as he leaves him alone in the middle of the dance floor as that stupid song continues to play.

He runs to his truck and gets inside, ripping the stupid crown off of his head and flinging it onto the passenger’s seat and watching as it bounces onto the floor. Before he knows it the dam is breaking and he’s sobbing uncontrollably, forehead resting on the steering wheel as the tears fall from his face and onto his dress pants.

“Fuck, fuck, fuck,” he repeats, not even sure what he’s saying anymore, what he’s feeling anymore.

What he knows is that he’s an idiot. What he knows is that he’s fucked things up beyond repair.

What he knows is that Kurt Hummel is better off without him there at all.

_fin._


End file.
